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Imma make you some chocolate. Imma roast and winnow and crush some cacao beans and it'll be great. Yum yum yum.

What's your name, homes?

You have to live in Eugene or Portland for this to work, or at least be there for the holidays.... :'-(

^^ YAY CUZ I DO :-D!

Homemade chocolate tarts? Yes/no?

Yes please

Oh God yes please

They'll be sweetened with honey, my darling honeys! Like sweet little pies, my little sweetie pies!

Dried fruit!

Discuss.

They'll be thickened with coconut milk, my darling little coconut milkies!

NUTS

NUTS NUTS NUTS

Say it aloud! Shout out for the nuts! THEY'RE NATURE'S MIRACLE. They are healthy and good for you!

Walnuts!

Pecans!

Almonds!

NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!

GLUTEN-FREE, DAIRY-FREE, CASEINE FREE, AND PRETTY MUCH ORGANIC! Besides these things, do you have any allergies? (Alternatively stated: If I intended to poison you, how might I best go about arranging your excrutiating death?)

I love you all so very much. So very very much.

Just never, ever forget that, you special person taking my holiday survey.

Never, ever forget...
* * *

I Swear To Never Forget