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2016
October
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Hello: You are invited to participate in our survey. In this survey, approximately 23.89 people will be asked to complete a survey that asks questions about POOP. It will take approximately 999999 minutes to complete the questionnaire. Your participation in this study is completely voluntary. There are no foreseeable risks associated with this project. However, if you feel uncomfortable answering any questions, you can withdraw from the survey at any point. It is very important for us to learn your opinions. Your survey responses will be strictly confidential and data from this research will be reported only in the aggregate. Your information will be coded and will remain confidential. If you have questions at any time about the survey or the procedures, you may contact Sauron at 666-666-6666 or by email at
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How often do you poop?
Secondly
Minutely
Hourly
Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Quarterly
Annually
Bi-Annually
Never
In accordance with the Bristol stool scale, what types of poop do you most often experience?
#1- Tiny pellets, painfully hard and difficult to pass, literally rock-hard
#2- Larger pellets, some stuck together, requires great effort to pass
#3- Almost perfect, but still takes some effort to excrete, slightly too firm
#4- THE PERFECT POOP. Soft and silky smooth, slides out gracefully like a ballerina on a water slide.
#5- Almost perfect but a little too squishy, some ripped-looking edges
#6- Runny with some substance
#7- Liquid. Straight up.
Rate your personal diet:
Healthiness
Unhealthiness
Do you fear pooping in public restrooms?
-- Select --
yes
no
depends on the cleanliness
depends on if there's a dragon
What is the longest you've ever gone without pooping?
Please rank (1-3) the following in order of interest:
"I prefer to poop in..."
The toilet
-- Select --
1
2
3
4
5
The shower
-- Select --
1
2
3
4
5
The woods
-- Select --
1
2
3
4
5
The lake
-- Select --
1
2
3
4
5
The poopdeck
-- Select --
1
2
3
4
5
What types of poop-based exclamatory phrases do you use?
Poop!
Crap!
Sh**!
Fartknocker!
Other
When do you most enjoy pooping?
-- Select --
Mornings
Afternoons
After coffee
Evenings
1:39 am
What are your pooping tips for fellow Americans?
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